one step at a time.

Done with finals, no more all nighters, no more studying till 4 am and waking up at 7 to start it all over again. No more school related stress.

but i want it back. because now i’m sitting in my apt by myself, thinking. Now i finally have time to think about all the things i been pushing aside this whole semester. 

I think about how i always come last in your life. After your friends, after your family, there i am. I think about how they are so important to you and if it ever came down to me and them, you’d choose them. You deny this but i know they have set a huge foundation in your heart & i can only come after it. & i don’t know how to deal with it. 

I used to be important to you, but now i feel like i come second place to you too. </3 you were supposed to be mine. 

and to top everything off, everyone i know is getting into med school. 

I come last every single fucking time. 

This is why he is my best friend, haha what a loser.

mightyjaymac:

YES!!!!

(Source: wannabe-jedi)

mightyjaymac:

YES!!!!

(Source: wannabe-jedi)

kari-shma:

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(Source: brotips)

(Source: bricon328)

Your papa was such a wonderful man. I wish everyday that he was there to raise you like he raised me. 

Today i found out you asked about your dad. You asked how he died and why you’re the only one in school without a dad. Baby, if your papa was still alive, all your classmates would have been so jealous of you. 

 I wish i could find the right words to tell you how much your papa means to me, and how badly i miss him.

Your mama mentioned you started your swimming classes, but that you’re so scared to get in the water. It reminded me of how Binu uncle would throw me in the river, trying to teach me how to swim.  That was only one of the few things he taught me; He taught me to never be scared, to eat healthy, to forgive, and to be brave. 

It’s not fair that you have to grow up not having the papa you deserve. It makes me so sad that he didn’t even get to see you, and shower you with all his never ending affection. It’s not fair that your 6 year old self didn’t get a chance to see his papa. 

Out of everything what hurts me the most is knowing how excited your papa was to see you, to hold you and to give you everything. If only you could have seen how eager he was to have his boy to himself, he would write down possible names for you in his journal, he wanted to fly you in his car, buy you the most expensive things and still teach you discipline. 

I hate knowing someone at church asked “where is your dad” and you had to say “he is no more.” God, where are you? THIS is why i want to be a dr; to save another Tony, another Emily from missing someone so much. 

I live so far away and i can’t even be close to you. all i can do is sit here in front of my laptop, crying and wishing your papa didn’t have to leave us. He loves you so much baby, so much. 

lovequotesrus:

Photo Courtesy: marieisbeyondyou

(Source: astartofsomething)